it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
