i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think your dad took our porno
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
