He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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