this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
