My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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