You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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