Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
