Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
