I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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