We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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