i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
