I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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