careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
