Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
