Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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