Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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