Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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