my mouth tastes like poor choices
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
