after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
