Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
