I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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