Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
