I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
