just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
