How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
