Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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