have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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