I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
