oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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