FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
