Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she peed on how many people?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
