And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
