We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
