yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
