I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
