I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
