haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
