I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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