I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
