you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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