one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
