Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
