@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
