I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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