I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
