How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
