if i can run in heels then i can drive
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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