beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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