I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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