i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
