Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
