wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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