The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sarcasm needs its own font
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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