On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
