Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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