So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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