the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
