i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
