It's Friday. Sex?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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