Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
