so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
