When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
