call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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