his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
