I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
