my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
