i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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