is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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