Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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