When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
