I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize