Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
