I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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