I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
