is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think people are normalizing furries
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
