I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
