So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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